


Club Business

by MikeJaffa



Category: New Mutants (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26551984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikeJaffa/pseuds/MikeJaffa
Summary: Rahne and Illyana have an itchy problem that can lead to misunderstandings
Relationships: Illyana Rasputin/Rahne Sinclair
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Club Business

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Marvel owns everything  
> AUTHOR’S NOTE: If my attempt at humor works, you won’t be wanting to be eating or drinking while you read this. If it doesn’t, I’m not responsible if you trash your device.

Rahne managed to stop scratching her shoulder as she came down the path and onto the beach, and managed to endure the itching as she came up behind where Illyana was standing looking out at the ocean. 

Illyana turned. “Hey, Rahne…” She frowned at Rahne’s expression. “Something eating you?”

“Yes,” Rahne said, as she went back to scratching her arm, “literally. You?”

Illyana turned away and looked out over the ocean. Nothing seemed to be bothering her. Then she grimaced and scratched her head for a few seconds.

She stopped scratching, lowered her arms, sagged and said, “Ready to rip my own skin off. I didn’t think it would get this bad!”

“Something to keep in mind the next time things get extra crazy.”

“Definitely.”

“When do you want to do it?”

“No time like the present.”

8

8

“Illyana?” Pixie called as she entered the New Mutants’ house. She held her soulknife in front of her. “Are you around? Got a minute?”

Illyana’s voice came from up the stares: “Up here, Megan! I’m in the bathroom.”

Megan half jogged, half flew up the stairs, and followed the sloshing sounds. “Sorry to bother you, ‘Yana. But the soulknife—” She walked in the door and stopped in her tracks. “WHOA!” Illyana and Rahne’s heads were poking over the edge of an enormous bathtub, Rahne apparently lounging against the blonde sorceress’ chest. 

Megan backed up a step and said, “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to--”

Illyana said, “No, it’s ok, Megan—we were almost done. What’s up?”

“What’s up?” Megan stammered. “Oh, what’s up. Well, uh, the soulknife—” Her magic blade suddenly sparked and popped, then went quiet. “It’s been doing that.”

“Ooh,” Illyana said. “That’s not good. Give us a couple of minutes. I’ll take a look at it.”

8

8

Megan paced around just outside the house. She was too unsettled to wait inside.

She supposed she shouldn’t be surprised by lesbianism; there had been a lot of wild pairings on Krakoa, but it still bothered her, and she had long since resolved to work on that. But the bigger shock was Illyana and Rahne being together. There had been rumors about Illyana and Kitty for years. And Rahne and Dani were inseparable, so of course, people had talked. But Illyana and Rahne? As far as Megan knew, they barely talked to each other. It was hard to see them as a couple. But maybe that was a testament to how well they had—

The door opened and Illyana and Rahne came out. Illyana said, “You didn’t have to wait out here, Megan.”

“No, it’s ok.”

“Now, let’s see what’s going on here.” Illyana spread her hands. The soulknife floated out of Megan’s hand and drifted to a point between Illyana’s hands. Symbols appeared in the air around it. “Oh, I see what the problem is,” Illyana said. “I’m surprised it’s held up this long. I wasn’t exactly in my right mind when I made it.”

“Tell me about it.” Although Megan and Illyana had long since put that unpleasantness behind them, thinking about it still left a bad taste in Megan’s mouth.

“Just have to change a few ‘settings.’ Give me a minute.” Illyana moved to one side. She lifted her legs off the ground and floated cross-legged with the dagger in front of her.

Megan turned back to Rahne. “So Miss Sinclair—I mean, Rahne—how long have you and Illyana, um, how long…”

“Oh, years now,” Rahne said casually, “since we were kids at the old school.”

“That long? And…did they know?”

“Of course. We told them.”

“Must have been a surprise.”

“Oh, aye, but then how many people you know are going to have this problem? Except Catseye. Maybe Kurt, but he’s never said anything.”

“Problem? What problem?”

“Fleas, of course. Illyana and I were taking our monthly flea bath. Although it’s been more than a month--”

“Wait, fleas?” Megan stammered. “The little bug fleas? Those fleas?”

“Aye,” Rahne said. “I’m a werewolf, so of course, I get them. And Illyana…” Rahne cleared her throat. “If you have nothing to do for six months, herself will explain in excruciating details how her demon form having ram horns and cloven feet still does not make her a weregoat. But no flea in the known universe—including some nasty buggers in the Shi’Ar galaxy--has got that memo. So she gets ‘em, too.”

“That makes sense. But…why take your baths together?”

“Oh, that goes back to—"

“All done!” Illyana called as she came back over. She handed the dagger to Megan and said, “It should be ok. But if it’s not, bring it back to me and I’ll take another look at it. Worst case, we bring Doctor Strange into the loop. But I overheard you talking and as Rahne was about to tell you, when Magneto took over the school, he flipped out at the water bill. Rahne and I talked about it and decided the best thing we could do would be to take our flea baths together.”

“I see. So it was because of fleas, not because--” Megan started to back away. “No, never mind. I’ll just be--”

Illyana said, “No—‘not because’ of what? What were you going to say, Megan?”

“It’s nothing, Illyana, really--”

“I’ll be the judge of that, girl,” Illyana snapped. “Out with it! ‘Not because’ what?”

“Because you and Rahne are lesbians!” Megan blurted.

Rahne’s jaw dropped. Illyana said, “Are you serious?”

“Well why else would two women take baths together?” Megan asked.

“’Cause they like to?” Illyana replied.

“‘They like to’?” Megan was incredulous. Could Illyana, who was normally so worldly and sophisticated, really be so dense she didn’t realize how things looked? 

“Honestly, Megan,” Illyana said, “that’s nuts. Instead of the knife, maybe I should take a look at your--”

Rahne said, “No, wait, ‘Yana. Maybe she’s onto something. Remember the time ‘Berto walked in on us?”

“How can I forget, Rahne? He ripped the door off the hinges; took forever for him and Sam to get around to fixing it.”

“Aye, and that’s when everyone found out.”

“And we explained and it was cool.”

“But think about it. You’ve been running around in this Aku cosplay for months now and Roberto ‘Samurai Jack is second only to football in my heart’ da Costa has never said anything. Why not?”

“You think it’s because he thinks I’m gay?”

“Wellll…. It makes a kind of sense, doesn’t it?”

“Spawn of the pit! You have a point there. Poor guy. We have to clear this up.” Illyana and Rahne started to leave. Illyana said, “Megan, thank you for bringing this to my attention! And Kitty—I mean Kate—Sorry, but something’s come up. We’ll catch up later.”

Megan turned and saw Kate and Wolverine behind her. “Oh, Kate! I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were there.”

Kate Pryde smiled. “No, it’s ok. I understand. Club business. No problem.”

“What club?” Megan asked.

“The Spawns of Satan Club!” Kate said. “Witches and werewolves only. Muggles need not apply, and you won’t be listened to.” Kate walked by on her way as she went on, “It’s not like I’m her best friend and former roommate and Dani and I spent years trying to explain to those knuckleheads how their flea baths looked. We’re not in the club! What do we know? But the girl who knows exactly one spell that she learned when she was pretty much a hostage, oh she has to know what she’s talking about…”

Megan watched Kate’s retreating back and listened to some more rambling. Then she turned to Wolverine. “Mr. Logan, can we go spar?”

“We just sparred an hour ago,” Wolverine said. 

“I know, but I want to do something that doesn’t make my brain hurt.”

“I hear that. Let’s go.”

THE END


End file.
